“You don’t get what you want. You get what you tolerate.” — Tony Robbins
Every entrepreneur, every leader, every person building something meaningful has a line — a moment when they decide something is no longer acceptable. That “line” might be simple on paper but hard to defend in practice. Most people never move it. They tolerate missed deadlines, clients who drain them, chaotic schedules, inefficient systems, underpaying partners. Over time those tolerated things stop feeling like problems and start feeling like who they are. Tolerance becomes identity.
If you want a better business, a calmer life, or healthier relationships, wishing won’t do it. The work begins when you refuse to accept less than what you deserve and what your goals require.
Why tolerance becomes identity
- Normalization: Small compromises creep in. One missed deadline here, one overloaded week there — eventually that pattern feels normal.
- Fear and scarcity: Worry that saying no will lose clients, money, or opportunities makes people keep tolerating poor conditions.
- Sunk-cost thinking: “I’ve already put so much into this, I can’t change things now,” keeps people stuck.
- Self-worth signals: People often prove their value by endurance. If you tolerate too much, you start believing endurance equals worth.
- Avoiding conflict: It’s easier to let things slide than to face uncomfortable conversations.
Consequences of not raising the line
- Burnout and stress
- Low-quality clients and work
- Slow or no growth
- Wasted time and money
- Team dysfunction and low morale
The shift: refuse to accept less
Real change begins with declarations. The shift in thinking is simple and powerful:
- “I don’t tolerate chaos in my calendar.” (You protect your time.)
- “I don’t tolerate anyone who disrespects my time.” (You demand professional behavior.)
- “I don’t tolerate a business that runs me instead of serving me.” (You design systems that enable freedom.)
How to raise your standards — a step-by-step plan
- Audit what you’re tolerating
- Spend 20–60 minutes listing things you regularly put up with. Be specific: missed weekly reports, clients who cancel last minute, meetings without agendas, responses outside business hours, unclear scopes, unpaid extra work.
- Score the pain and impact
- For each item, rate it by (a) how much it drains you emotionally/energy-wise and (b) how much it costs you in time or money. Prioritize the biggest-impact tolerations.
- Choose one to eliminate this week
- Don’t try to change everything at once. Pick the one that will create the biggest immediate relief or momentum.
- Set a firm decision and a deadline
- Decide exactly what “not tolerating” looks like. Write a deadline for the change and what success looks like.
- Define the boundary and a script
- Decide what you will say and do when the boundary is crossed. Prepare short, clear scripts (see examples below).
- Put systems in place
- Use tools: contracts that define scope and penalties, scheduling systems that prevent overbooking, templates that set expectations, automation that reduces repeated work.
- Communicate clearly and early
- Tell clients, team members, or partners about the new standards before they test them. Framing matters: “To serve you better, I’m updating how I handle X.”
- Enforce consistently
- When someone violates the boundary, follow through. One exception unravels progress.
- Review weekly and iterate
- Check progress, tweak scripts, and pick the next toleration to eliminate.
Practical scripts you can use
- To a client who constantly misses deadlines: “I need projects to be turned in by the agreed date so I can deliver on time. If materials aren’t provided by X, we’ll reschedule the deadline and adjust the timeline.”
- To someone who schedules meetings without an agenda: “Before I confirm, please share a 3-point agenda so we use the time well. If there’s no agenda, I’ll decline.”
- When asked to do extra unpaid work: “I can handle that, but it’s outside the current scope. I can add it as an extra at my hourly rate or include it in the next retainer.”
- To yourself (daily boundaries): “From 6–7 p.m. I do not check email. I’m unavailable for work calls after 7 p.m.”
Dealing with common fears
- “I’ll lose clients.” Some will leave — and that’s usually a net positive. You’re making room for better clients who respect your boundaries.
- “I can’t afford to be strict.” Start small. Tighten the thing that costs you most and scale from there.
- “I don’t want conflict.” Treat it as professional communication, not personal fight. Clear expectations reduce conflict in the long run.
The benefits of higher standards
- More time and energy for work that matters
- Higher-quality clients and partnerships
- Better margins and predictable workflow
- Improved mental health and clearer thinking
- A company culture that mirrors the standards you model
Your challenge this week
- List three things you tolerate.
- Choose the one with the biggest cost.
- Write a one-sentence boundary and a one-line script to communicate it.
- Set a deadline (within 7 days) to implement it.
- Tell one person about your plan for accountability.
Example options to pick this week
- Stop answering email after business hours.
- Refuse projects under a certain rate.
- Require a signed contract before starting work.
- Limit meetings to 30 minutes and require an agenda.
- Delegate one repetitive task.
Every time you raise your standards, you change the options available to you. People, systems, and opportunities will start to align with the new baseline. It isn’t always comfortable at first — but it’s how you build a better business, a more sustainable life, and a clearer sense of self. Refuse to accept less, and watch what you deserve begin to appear.